Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize
