Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize