Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Randomize