Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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