cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
