Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
