so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
