You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize
