Umm I'm too high to move.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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