sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
