we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I feel like death gave me a hand job
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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