Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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