Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Randomize
