I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
