if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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