Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
