i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
