I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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