the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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