in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
