I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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