Your face is a jimmy john
Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
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