I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
