AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
