On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Drunk is a universal language darling
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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