When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
