Can i not drive my cunt home
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize