we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
