Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
