Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
