Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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