party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
