Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
