Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Send help, water and tortillas.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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