Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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