you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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