I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
i came on her dog
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
