i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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