So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
