I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
