It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
