I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
