We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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