there's paper in my vomit.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
