Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
