Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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