we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
