You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize