I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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