the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
