I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
