Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
i will never coherently bang her
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
