I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
