Your face is a jimmy john
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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