You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
