oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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