Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
