yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
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