Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
