we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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