Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
