Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
