a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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