Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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