look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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