Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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