you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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