How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
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