I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
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